The 5 Love Languages
In light of Valentine's Day this week I wanted to write a little romantic post about LOVE. Most people have heard about the concept of the 5 love languages. The concept originally comes from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Thomas. Thomas' concept of the 5 love languages puts a unique and tangible perspective on the notion of love within a committed relationship. This love language concept can easily be applied to any close relationship and even works well with children!
If you are new to this conversation the 5 love languages are simply 5 ways of giving and receiving love and they include: quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch and acts of service. Each love language can be used to further understand why different forms of conflict in relationships hurt some people more than others. Here is a simple explanation of each love language:
1.QUALITY TIME:
You feel loved when your partner spends time with you giving your their attention and time even if you are doing NOTHING. If you are a quality time person nothing will make you more irritated than when your partner is distracted and you are trying to talk or connect with them.
Helpful Tip: Designate specific times like date nights where phones are turned off.
2. GIFTS:
You feel loved when you receive very personalized gifts or tokens of appreciate from your partner. Your worst nightmare if you are a gifts person is a forgotten birthday or anniversary.
Helpful Tip: Set some expectations around gift giving with your partner before Christmas, Birthdays or Anniversaries to minimize hurt feelings or disappointment.
3. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
You feel loved when your partner encourages you, compliments you or tells you they love you. If you are a words of affirmation person your worst nightmare is criticism or insults from your partner.
Helpful Tip: Instead of criticizing your partner tell them instead how what they did made you feel (sad, hurt, frustrated, embarrassed or ashamed). Another tip is let your partner know what words of affirmation are most meaningful to you.
4. PHYSICAL TOUCH:
You feel loved when you are touched by your partner both sexual and non-sexual ways. This can be as simple as hand holding or an arm around the shoulder. If physical touch is your love language your worst nightmare is your partner being neglectful, absent or unavailable physically and emotionally.
Helpful Tip: If you are a physical touch person TELL your partner what you need to fill your love tank up with sexual and non-sexual touch.
5. ACTS OF SERVICE:
You feel loved when your partner does acts of service for you like filling up your car with gas or vacuums the floor. If you are an acts of service person your worst nightmare is laziness and broken commitments.
Helpful Tip: To minimize broken commitments to do lists down for your partner, share the same calendar on your smart phone and have a family meeting where you share your expectations and acts of service needs for the week ahead.
It is likely your love language is NOT the same as your partners, but you most often want to give your partner love in the way you feel most loved. Have a conversation about what you and your partner need to be fulfilled in your love language.
If you are still curious about what your love language is take the online quiz here with your partner to find out more and apply these concepts to your relationship!
In Love & Connection,
Chelsea
Encounter Counseling offers in-person counseling in Grand Junction and online counseling state-wide in Colorado including Denver, Boulder, Ft. Collins and Colorado Springs.
