Try This ONE Thing to Have an AWESOME Marriage

It's fall here in Western Colorado and it is beautiful! Fall is the perfect time of year to add a little bit more intentionality into your life as the leaves are changing and a new seasons begins.  One area of intentionality we all have to work hard at in life is marriage.  Marriage is this incredible journey where two people are woven together emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It take effort and intentionality to sustain this life long relationship.  Connecting with your spouse might sometimes feel easy and other times take a tremendous amount of effort.  One thing that gets in the way of couples connecting is BUSYNESS. Busyness can get in the way of feeling loved and connected to your spouse as well as cause a lack of communication.  

One thing couples can do to prevent disconnection is to intentionally connect every week by having a meeting.  A MEETING.... yeah that's right.  Stay with me here this is valuable stuff.  You could call it "Family Meeting," "Marriage Meeting," "Couch Time" "Check In" or whatever you want.  The format of the meeting can be tailored to your lifestyle and needs, but here are some suggested topics to discuss every week: 

• Schedules

• Work

• Home management

• Kids (Activities, Schedules, Discipline, School etc.)

• Finances

• Conflicts needing resolve

• Sex Life

• Health

• Upcoming events/trips/holidays

• Goals

• Spiritual Life & Prayer Requests

• Individual Self Care Practices

Some of you may be asking WHY and thinking this seems weird.  Well how many times have you and your spouse gotten into a conflict or argument because you weren't on the same page about any one of these things whether it was through miscommunication or not communicating at all.  Couples are obviously going to talk about some of these things during the week, but other things there might need to be an intentional time once a week to check in.  When was the last time you and your spouse talked about finances or sex?  When was the last time you asked your spouse what they did last week for self care?  Part of having a great marriage is communicating more.  In relationships I'm convinced we play this unspoken game with each other where we think the other person just KNOWS something, but in reality they can't read your mind and have no idea.  Communicating leads to LESS conflict and a deeper CONNECTION.  

It's best to schedule a time every week at the same time to have the meeting.  Try if possible to do it when kids are occupied, sleeping or not around to avoid interruptions. Try to avoid being on cell phones during meeting and work towards being fully present with your spouse.  Meetings can be 30-90 minutes in length. Take turns talking about specific topics while deciding beforehand who will start. 

Maybe some of these topics may seem overwhelming.  Maybe its a topic you and your spouse have not discussed in a long time, and you are worried about the potential conflict or tension that might arise in your relationship.  If so that might be an indicator getting some counseling would be really  beneficial for your relationship.  Maybe the most beneficial conversation would be one of talking with your spouse about how you know there can be more to your relationship and you are not connecting in the way you hope.  Maybe that could lead to a conversation about getting help in some way.  If you would like some help discussing these topics or others give us a call or find a marriage counselor in your area. 

I am confident this practice will help your relationship tremendously.  Like anything it takes some getting used to, but the fact of the matter is we don't make enough time to intentionally connect with our spouse. 

You can use this FREE Family Meeting Guide here to start this week! 

Family Meeting Guide

Schedule

• What events for the week do we need to schedule and/or talk about?

• How did last week work for us as a family?

• Vacation/time-off to plan for?

Family/House

• Any things to be concerned about / excited about?

• Are we keeping up with house work?

• How was your relationship with the kids this week?

• What is one thing you want to do this week as a parent?

Personal

• How are we doing personally?

• What did you do for self care this week?

• What do you want to do for self care next week?

• What is something that gave you joy this week?

• What was something that was hard this week?

Financial

• How does the general budget look?

• Is debt being lowered? Are we making progress toward financial goals?

• Are there any big-ticket items that need to be purchased?

• What are are savings goals? And how’s it going?

Guidelines:

Have a clear appointment with a time limit (60–90 minutes max).

Decide who will talk initially.

Determine the topic(s).

Schedule the follow-up.

 Pointers:

Use “I” statements.

Avoid the words never and always.

No mind reading.

Don’t assume you know your partner’s motives or intentions.

Goals for future family meetings

Date and time of next meeting:

Main topic to discuss:

The initial speaker will be:

Feel free to add things or take them away to fit to your life.

Encounter Counseling offers in-person counseling in Grand Junction and online counseling state-wide in Colorado including Denver, Boulder, Ft. Collins and Colorado Springs.